1.“A Thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlton (2002)
“A Thousand Miles” is 17 years old, which means it can legally make its way downtown in a car instead of a piano on wheels.
2.“So Yesterday” by Hilary Duff (2003)
“So Yesterday” is 16 years old, which amazingly is a year older than Hilary was when she released this song. Take a moment to process that.
3.“Crazy in Love” by Beyoncé (2003)
“Crazy in Love” is a full 16 years old, driving all its friends to school in its brand new Mercedes (because you know it’s got money). It is not, however, old enough to drink in the US despite the fact that Rich Harrison was hungover when he wrote most of the song with Bey.
4.“Whenever, Wherever” by Shakira (2001)
“Whenever, Wherever” is 17 going on 18, and that makes it old enough to have taken at least three years of high school Spanish. That’s enough to learn the Spanish version of this song, “Suerte.”
5.“Stacy’s Mom” by Fountains of Wayne (2003)
“Stacy’s Mom” is 16 years old, making it old enough to actually get the hots for Stacy’s Mom. Not old enough to actually have a chance, though.
6.“Hey Ya!” by OutKast (2003)
“Hey Ya!” has its learner’s permit, and we’re coming up on its sweet 16. So it’s still too young to be saying existential stuff like, “If what they say is nothing lasts forever, then what makes love the exception?” Save that for college philosophy classes.
7.“Bring Me to Life” by Evanescence (2003)
“Bring Me to Life” is 16, so it’s old enough to have its own emo phase.
8.“Without Me” by Eminem (2002)
“Without Me” just turned 17, old enough that every single reference in this song is too outdated for the human 17-year-olds of the world to understand.
9.“Jenny From the Block” by Jennifer Lopez (2002)
“Jenny From the Block” is 16, which means it can drive a car but it also thinks “Bennifer” refers to Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner.
10.“Soak Up the Sun” by Sheryl Crow (2002)
“Soak Up the Sun” is 17, which makes it too young to remember My Scene dolls (which the song was used to promote) but too old to even play with dolls anymore.
11.“Are You Happy Now?” by Michelle Branch (2003)
“Are You Happy Now?” is 16 years old, which is coincidentally the perfect age to scream the lyrics, “Could you look me in the eye, and tell me that you’re happy now?” in your room when you think no one’s home. People think it’s weird when you’re in your twenties.
12.“How You Remind Me” by Nickelback (2001)
“How You Remind Me” is 17 years old, so it’s old enough to realize that people on the internet make fun of Nickelback but not old enough to know why. I mean, imagine not crying to this song as a teen for absolutely no reason.
13.“Hot in Herre” by Nelly (2002)
“Hot in Herre” is 17, and that makes it old enough to drive around in its car with the bass turned all the way up…which is the correct way to listen to this song.
14.“Drops of Jupiter” by Train (2001)
Not only can “Drops of Jupiter” drive — it’s 18 and therefore a legal adult. This song can buy lottery tickets. It can gamble in some states. It can drink alcohol in France.
15.“Can’t Get You Out of My Head” by Kylie Minogue (2001)
This song (from Kylie Minogue’s eighth album) is 17 years old, which is only like four years younger than Kylie Jenner. Keep that in mind when you pick a Kylie to stan.
16.“She Will Be Loved” by Maroon 5 (2002)
“She Will Be Loved” is one year away from being a beauty queen of only 18.
17.“Hero” by Enrique Iglesias (2001)
“Hero” is 17 years old, which makes it old enough to go to prom and slow dance awkwardly to “Hero.” Do people still do that?
18.“Sk8er Boi” by Avril Lavigne (2002)
“Sk8er Boi” is 16, and that means it’s old enough to be one of the characters from this song. It’s also old enough to write itself because Avril was about 16 when she was writing it.
19.“I’m a Slave 4 U” by Britney Spears (2001)
“I’m a Slave 4 U” is 17, and that means it’s just the right age for people to be “always saying little [song] don’t step into the club.” Because you can’t go to clubs when you’re 17, but you’re just old enough to want to.
20.“Work It” by Missy Elliott (2002)
This song is somehow 16 whole years old. The 16-year-olds today who jam out to this song are, like, twins with it. Is that how that works?
21.“Get the Party Started” by P!nk (2001)
“Get the Party Started” is a 17-year-old who can legally drive to parties with this song blasting. And that’s the only correct way to go to a party.
22.“The Scientist” by Coldplay (2002)
“The Scientist” is 16, which is just a year older than Apple Martin, Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter. That means this song is older than the debate over their daughter’s name.
23.“Bootylicious” by Destiny’s Child (2001)
This song is 18 years old and therefore a full-grown adult. This song can vote. Please comment who you think “Bootylicious” will vote for in the 2020 elections.
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