I caught my husband snogging my sister – how am I meant to trust him again? | The Sun

DEAR DEIDRE: MY marriage was torn apart 20 years ago when I discovered my husband and half-sister were having an affair.

I think I’m still scarred by their betrayal.

I’m 48 and my husband is 55. We’ve been married for 25 years and have three children.

My half-sister is four years older than me.

She came to live with us when she was going through a tough time in her own life.

Her long-term partner had left her and kicked her out of the flat they shared. So we said she could stay until she got on her feet.

Initially, everything went well and it was lovely having her around.

But after a while, I noticed my husband was buying her gifts and giving her money too.

I did not think for one moment anything was going on until he allowed her to drive his new BMW.

It was his pride and joy — I was lucky if I was allowed to sit in the passenger seat.

One day, I came home early from work as I wasn’t feeling well.

As I walked through the door I saw the two of them on the couch kissing.

I quickly closed the door and jumped back in my car. I fled to a friend’s house and stayed there for the night.

My husband called and begged me to come home. I did, but only when my half-sister had moved out.

I didn’t speak to her for five years but I often thought about what had happened.

In the end, I decided that the affair was my husband’s fault. He had seduced her when she was lonely and vulnerable.

I never got over his betrayal and even had my own affair to see if I could find someone to love, as he had. But mine only lasted a couple of months.

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I’m still struggling to forgive my husband, because I believe he still has feelings for my sister.

There is no trust between us any more.

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DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sorry these two people who should have been looking out for you betrayed you so badly.

You have stayed with your husband but clearly haven’t come to terms with his affair.

But your husband made his choice and decided that it is you who he really loves.


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Talking to a counsellor will help you deal with these unresolved feelings. You can get help at relate.org.uk.

My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? shows how you can be stronger than before if you still love one another and are willing to work on your marriage.

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